First, I’d like to note that my American Popular Music class has made it so that I listen to the same song over and over and over again, whether it’s actually for class or not. My current earworm is “Gloria” by Patti Smith.

Speaking of the class I want to major in…it will actually end up counting for my major. Potentially. I’m strongly considering switching to American Studies. This debate has multiple layers, and I just unintentionally wrote my dad a 900 word essay about it. It actually had a clear outline, multiple points, counter arguments. It was possibly the best (and certainly the most time efficient) essay I have written all semester.

Last night was crazy, and I’d love to tell the world about it, but I don’t really have the time at the current moment. This is the biggest issue I have with blogging I think – no time. But I know I have the most godawful memory and I know that there was so much, and I am so afraid that I forget it forever. Dan was specifically commanding us “no pictures!” but it didn’t really matter for me, because I didn’t have a camera. There were so many moments when I wanted one though. We climbed fences, trees, monuments. We laid on docks, played guitar, broke glass, walked for miles, watched the sun rise over the Charles. We talked about our quests in life, the Fountainhead, committing yourself to a cause that you can’t see the effect of, and where we were going to find a bathroom at 3:30 in the morning. I could mythologize it in my mind and forget that it was cold and we were tired and literally aimless, and I don’t want to. I think that realizing these issues really adds humanity to the story. This is life.

It’s almost unfortunate that an interesting dream I had between 1:30-6pm today about my hand falling apart is overshadowed by real life. But not really.

Once upon a time, there was a group of us that always blogged. High school friends, going through the basically the same issues as each other.

We’ve basically stopped this system, because college means more to do, breaching out and exploring the world. I don’t find fault with this at all.

As someone who started blogging when she was 13, but didn’t really set up a schedule, I feel like my whole relationship with the process was skewed towards emotional times. “I only blog when I’m emo”. I don’t remember if I or a close friend said this. I’d say this shows the way high school kids think about blogging overall.

So why am I blogging now? I think I was recently struck with this feeling, an inherently introspective feeling. Thus, my subconscious drove me to blog. Probably because no one keeps an actual journal anymore (pen and paper? what?).

I think that, considering this emotional association I have with personal writing, my overall lack of blogging in college has been positive. I have been able to progress as a person without spreading my every thought on the internet. Yet, I feel like it is possible to blog positively – I know that Shaunacy still does (even if she says link and pictures don’t count).

I would love to blog actions – things that I’m doing, things that I’ve seen recently.  Pictures. I feel like this is what was inherently missing in my previous years of blogging. There was a lot of musing, not a lot of action. I still love thinking, obviously. Moreover, I can’t pretend like I’ve completely grown out of that adolescent state of mind. You know the one I’m talking about. I think it comes back to haunt all of us every once in a while. The point is though, how can someone grow if they are not being actively engaged by outside factors?

In other words, if I was ever to pick up blogging again, I would want it to look more like the news section, the arts section. I’m cool with opinions, but not all the goddamn time!

Here was the feeling that I had, that I still have: emotionally, I am still a child. I am inherently jealous, I’ve realized. It’s that little brat that you see, grabbing something of value out of the closest little kid’s hand. That little brat, she is me. Back in the day, like any self-interested teenager, I used to list everything that was right and wrong about me. I agonized about my faults. I don’t keep a list anymore. I’ve learned that focusing on others is a more productive way to improve yourself.

There are some problems that perhaps don’t have solutions. I’m beginning to see the cyclical relationship I have with my emotional faults. It’s frustrating, but I can’t help but feel like I’m on the brink of something: the corner in this circle that will launch me into a healthier mindset.

I feel like I need an emotional paradigm shift. I won’t get it during these last two weeks of the semester: I’ve already set the tone of this semester. I have so many hopes for the summer, despite being home the whole time. I think I need time to rest. Be a hermit, but also a nomad. Hopefully by the end of it, I’ll be able to face a new semester with a sense of optimism. Life is short, I might as well enjoy the brief moment that I have as much as I can.

(Side note: I’ve been listening to SO MUCH Yann Tiersen recently because of Phillip. It’s been a good time).

And, if you have heard me rant about music that I really need to catch up on (it’s not like I’m totally behind on knowing every awesome band/artist from the last 50 years or anything) or new movies, I might have ranted to you about how much (too much) I use(d) Metacritic to find what I wanted to know (aka, the top 200 albums from the last 10 years and movies that actually won’t waste my time).

But, lo! What’s this I see? They have changed the format! What is this blasphemy?

Luckily, there’s a link to the old beloved site here. It’s much more clear than what they have now.

I just linked to the music sections because the home pages don’t really give the full effect. When I first saw the change, I was like “ok….cool?” I’m not someone who gets too emotionally traumatized by change (quite the opposite, actually). But in all honesty, this “re-vamping” is a hot hot mess, and 99% of users who bothered to comment on it are in agreement. An interesting observation that was made by a chap named Greg:

“Their change in motto (from “We Deal With Criticism” to “Keeping Score Of Entertainment”) is telling. This used to be a great clearinghouse of what talented critics wrote about media. Now it’s all about con$uming entertainment…”

I dunno, I’m not about to riot like some of the users, but I probably will be getting most of my music info straight from the critics now. Not that much more difficult, I guess…just more website bookmarking.

And I guess it’s a good thing I finished my “Ultimate Music List” Excel spreadsheet about a month ago…

(This is not a lie. Granted, the title is not really true, since it’s just the last 10 years. I’ve since remedied that with a different spreadsheet of albums to look into from the 70s-90s. But it IS 4 sheets long and probably overly complicated. I would have been pissed if this website was launched 2 months ago.)

EDIT: Good news! Skimming the massive amounts of comments gave me a link to Any Decent Music? which does basically the same thing…except they’re a lot more indie (not that big of a problem), haven’t been around as long, and use less sources. Well, I’ll take what I can get.

Well, that’s one less person that I have to consider when voting comes around.

[Moreover, she's the one that didn't vote for over 20 years, which also turned me (and my Republican parents) off.]

JUSTIN BIEBER CAN GO SUCK IT.

No. Just no.

But enough of that nonsense. I’m on spring break, which is a lot less exciting than you would expect. But at least it gives me a false sense of unlimited time, so I figured a blog update would be in order (since I often accidentally ignore Felipe’s requests for one).

Family friends are always a mixed bag. Living with the T family makes me realize that my dad isn’t as conservative as I thought (actually, I always knew that my dad was wise enough to not be a radical, but I always pretend he’s more Republican than he is). Let’s talk about the four (actually, five) members individually:

1. The teenage girl, aka, the person I am socially required to talk to the most: If Scarlett Johansson was a red headed, home-schooled, 16 year old horse fanatic, they would be the same person. She says things like “gosh” un-ironically. Because of her upbringing, she basically only listens to Christian music, American Idol contestants, and Country music. I have no idea why she would, but it seems like she cares what I think about her media choices, as she badmouths the Jonas brothers, despite the fact that she watched them on Netflix a few days ago.

Last night we were trying to figure out what movie to watch…an abridged version would be like this:

Me: I already know that we have extremely different tastes in movies (aka, you would be scarred by my favorite movies), so it’s ok if we just watch something you’ll enjoy.

Her: Well, we should at least find something that we can agree on. …do you like Jane Austen?

Me (voice-over): kill. me.

Luckily, the night was saved by her mother, who’s DVD stack included Pretty in Pink (scoff as you will, my love for Duckie is never ending). So, we move on to…

2. The mother

Honestly, my favorite person in this family. She’s the quietest (granted, not that difficult, because the rest of the family is very vocal). She has an ironic sense of humor that I could automatically identify with. She’s pretty much the antithesis of her husband,

3. The father

Basically, he’s the reason why his kids are home schooled. He and my dad were friends in the Air Force over 20 years ago, and I think they were the best men in each other’s weddings? Like my father, he is quite the chatterbox (actually, more so), constantly asking questions and pontificating his opinions. He wears shirts that you can tell are at least a decade old, and points out the differences between the houses we pass on the road that reveal how old they are.  (Interestingly, Modest Mouse just suggested to me that “every time you think you’re talking, you’re just moving your mouth”…a bit harsh, but I didn’t say it.) He tries very hard to seem civil as he chastises…

4. The son

a seven year old boy who is as endearingly sweet as he is annoying. He has very good bone structure and clear innocent eyes. His voice reminds me of baby brother John from the classic Disney Peter Pan. He will slaughter you at any game on the Wii, and is very comfortable farting in front of you. He will hover over your shoulder, even if you are reading things like A History of Christian Theology. In fact, he’ll try to be as close as possible to you at all time, so that you’re practically tripping on him. His relationship with his sister is classic: “Get out of my room!” “I was just petting the cat!”

The 5th member is the older sister, who is currently out of the picture. I have no idea what happened, but she’s living in a family friend’s basement. I kind of wish I could have a conversation with her…I often end up liking the rebels.

Anyway. I’m not actively trying to mock them, as they have been very kind to offer their house to me. This is VERY much appreciated, as I would have literally starved on campus: Wellesley closed down every dining hall over Spring Break. I mean, sure, I could have eaten out, but it’s so expensive. And I could have bought a week’s worth of Ramen, but it’s so boring. Some might suggest that I also would have gone insane from being stuck on such an empty campus, but I think I would have been alright with that part. I probably would have tried to stay outside the whole time. (Even in the rain that’s coming.) I would have definitely gone into Boston for the hell of it. But Brad is coming on Friday (SO EXCITED) so we can do that then.

And, to end: I’ve noticed that pretty much haven’t blogged at all since the beginning of second semester. (I would apologize, but most of my friends are in the same boat here.) Last semester, I was busy…this semester, I’m fulfilled. I have something going on every night, but I’m ok with that. I’m getting more involved, finding more friends. I got a job (this is exciting, believe me). I’m definitely doing better in my classes (really, the difference is unbelievable).

It always amazes me how quickly time passes. I don’t think this will ever change.

Something I made in like, 3 minutes:

http://inudge.net/inudge#/j3se

Cream Wolf: procrastination through an old style game about a werewolf luring fatty kids into his lair by being the ice cream man.

It’s highly addictive for the first 3 hours….then you will swear it off forever.

Anyway, I’m procrastinating, so I thought I would post a funny quote:

Moll (the main character, a notorious bad ass swords-woman who wears pants in the 17th century):

A watch and a musician are [first cousins] in one thing: they must both keep time well, or there’s no goodness in ‘em; the one else deserves to be dash’d against a wall, and t’other to have his brains knock’d out with a fiddle case.

It’s rather ironic to me that I think of amazing things to post when I am as far away from a computer as possible. For example, I was reading Martin Luther for my Religion class when I realized how much I dislike Las Vegas. It may be a little bit presumptuous of me to form such a strong opinion, considering that I have only driven through Las Vegas once (maybe twice?). Also, if you know me (if you are reading this I assume you do) then you know that I am not extremely opinionated. This is definitely detrimental when the Opinions section of the Wellesley newspaper e-mails me and I realize that (once again) I don’t care enough to write an article about anything.

So why don’t I like Las Vegas? Well, why would I like Las Vegas? It’s a shit-hole city in the middle of the desert where discontented people go because they are bored of their suburban life. It’s a bigger facade than Hollywood, promising wealth and sex with a greasy, manipulative grin. I’m advising everyone to refrain from pursuing happiness in Las Vegas. I realize that it’s your right, but it’s just a bad idea.

Basically, it stands for the very few things that I hate. First of all, greed. We hate politicians because they are “greedy”. I hate major record labels because they are greedy (well, and because they produce and promote terrible music). Greed is the antithesis of contentment and an inescapable black hole (and it doesn’t even do cool shit like time travel).

The irony, of course, is the old ladies who spend their last dollars on the slot machines are being conned by “the machine”. The customer is greedy, but not intelligent enough to realize that casinos are flashy because of the money they contribute in their quest for bling.

To me, Vegas is an empty promise. The sex is fake. Well, it’s real, but it’s not. The physical is extremely present, but the spirituality of sex is completely absent. There is no bond, no poetry in the motions of the cattle-whores who flaunt around in their erotic poses. This is America at it’s worst.

Last of all, the city itself is so disgusting. The color palette: neon, bright…and yet the gray and brown seep into everything.

You have to be shitfaced to sleep with such an unattractive prostitute. And when you wake up robbed, diseased, and hungover…you have regret. I am not naive enough to be swooned.

I would write more…especially on things less…rough. This is just so strange to me, having such a strong dislike of something. But more than anything, it makes me depressed that people will flock to a desert, thinking that their thirst for happiness will be quenched. Anyway, I have to go. Sorry this is a downer. =p