Ahahaha, wow.
I love how when I posted poetry, my blog stats died. Come on, am I the only one who finds art more interesting than the randomness that often inhabits my life? Especially the Brooks poem….ahhhh. I’ve loved it for years, since the first time I read it. (Even though I didn’t fully understand it at the time. Heck, who says that I fully understand it now?)
So. I just found out that Wellesley Volunteers is hosting a Haircut Donation. For the Pantene Pro-V “Beautiful Lengths” program. On my birthday. I am SO TEMPTED.
I’ve donated my hair twice. The second time was for “Beautiful Lengths”, which I trust a lot more than Locks of Love. I was thinking about doing it again after I get back for Spring semester (aka, when it warms up).
Problems with me donating my hair on my birthday:
1. It’s going to get cold. Hair might be useful.
2. I was also thinking about getting a helix piercing. Doing both on the same day might be a little drastic?
3. …this one might be a little vain, but… Brad really likes my long hair, and I told him I wouldn’t cut it until after January.
4. Also kind of strange…my roommate has very short hair and multiple ear piercings. Am I the only one who thinks that it might be weird to randomly start pseudo-looking like my roommate, even if it is completely unintentional?
Good things about donating my hair now:
1. Well, donating is always good.
2. It’s really convenient that I can make such a change on my 18th birthday…it’ll help make the day eventful.
3. There’s less chance of my hair freezing in the winter.
4. It can grow out for a month before I go home…although I’m not sure how much that would be…
Well, I guess I still have two weeks to think it over.
Mantras. (which may or may not be true)
My classes are not beyond me.
It is not too late to do better. I have two months.
I am not a bad person for not understanding time management.
I will pass all of my classes.
I actually do care. And not just because my parents care.
I will do better. I will do better. iwilldobetteriwilldobetteriwill…
I realized why I love Thoreau a few breakfasts ago.
The fall leaves and cold wind never fails to make me smile. Some days the clouds and mist and the swirling, ahhh – the tragic beauty. I want so much to lay in the grass and be. This is true living, Thoreau says. This is escape, I say. I’ve always wanted escape, and Thoreau only validates this by telling me that my secret temptation is something that should be sought after, and with haste!
I’ve decided that I have a psychological problem. I create a fake reality. It is a coping mechanism. In this reality, I have nothing to do. Therefore, I have no stress. Therefore, I can do what I want.
I do this because I know that I will freak out if I fully realize all the things I actually have to do. I will break down. Sure, I can say the sentence, “I have to write an essay, do calculus homework and econ homework”, but I don’t actually mean it. Usually I can pull out of this thought process in order to get stuff done at the very last second, but obviously it is not as amazing as it would have been otherwise. I do not procrastinate, I hide under mental covers.
Anyway, eff this emo-ness. I’m sure my problems are somehow related to my brain chemicals, and therefore any negative emotions at this time are irrelevant.
Good things about the last 24 hours:
WZLY! All of it, ahhhh. This is what I should be doing.
An amazing nacho lunch today! Jalapenos remind me of home.
Getting a Spongebob postcard from Felipe. =D
Wearing my comfy “grandpa” sweaters.
Apparently!
This blog won’t make sense unless you read my last one.
Lawl, talk about coincidences.
According to Maria and some resourcefulness, the girl who has a radio show before me is the same girl that I want to strangle because of her fake polite laugh.
Fantastic.
Guys, girls, radio.
One of the things that I miss the most about males is their voice.
Part of the reason that I’ve been watching “Tales of Mere Existence” videos for the past hour, definitely.
Of course, that’s not the only thing.
I miss being able to tell dead baby jokes and not feel guilty.
I miss being able to hug the awkward ones.
I miss being “one of the guys” and chilling, playing rock band.
I still laugh loudly (the girls in my dorm LOVE it), but I’ve become more annoyed with how some girls laugh. Emma, my roommate, is one of the few people who I don’t judge on this. Her laughter is practically silent, but it’s ok, even adorable in it’s delicate nature. But some girls, OMG. Giggling politely is so annoying. There’s one girl in my math class in particular…I want to strangle her.
I’ve noticed that there are more “classical prep” girls around than I’ve known in the past. I don’t really mind them, in some ways I kind of admire having a professional attitude. And I haven’t seen any open hostility, which is nice. But I feel very separate from them…I’m the kind of girl who will wear a men’s large flannel shirt and worn down jeans. I wear leather jackets. I am practically unaffected by the violence in movies like Fight Club, and greatly prefer those movies to romantic comedies. I own a tutu. I love awkward conversations most of the time. I laugh like an explosion, I have no sense of tact, I’m legally still a child.
But, all these things that make me atypical…kind of make me a bad ass. Actually, I’m not sure about that one, but that’s what Anna said, so I’ll go with it.
Ok, the most important part of this blog:
RADIO SHOW ANNOUNCEMENT: My show is now officially Thursdays 11pm – midnight. One hour, yes, and I’m perfectly fine with it (I asked for it, actually). I think I’m starting this Thursday, so woot. West Coasters should tune in at 8pm at wzly.net.
Random bits.
1. I auditioned for a student run show today with one of the girls from my dorm. I don’t expect to get cast; I only auditioned for my friend Meredith, because she is producing the show, and she wanted more people to audition.
I think a part of me has always wanted to do formal drama, but it’s one of those things that’s hard to start doing (especially when there are people who have been doing it their whole life). I think that’s one of the problems with Wellesley…there are plenty of new things that I am trying, but some things are difficult because others have already mastered them. (i.e. music and drama). I’m not playing clarinet, because I’m not good enough to get free (for credit) lessons. Sometimes I walk past the windows where students are practicing… and I wish I could create. It’s made me realize that if I have a kid, I want them to learn an instrument at an early age. And no, I’m not going to be a super stressful parent…I just want them to be able to create an emotion (if they so choose). Whether it’s through music, art, drama, anything. (Calculus? Ehhhhh.)
2. I tried to get a helix ear piercing two weeks ago to no avail. But I’m going on my 18th birthday.
3. Please tell me that I’m not the only one who feels behind on their studies….I’m doing well in my Econ and English class, but Calculus and Arabic are brutal. I’m glad that I’m taking Calc pass/fail, but then there’s that little voice in the back of my mind that wonders if I will pass. I met with my Arabic TA today, and I think that I’m going to be doing that a lot more in the future.
I don’t know…there’s a lot of resources for students here, which is awesome. Up until now, I haven’t really wanted to use them….it’s really difficult for me to ask for help, especially here I think. It’s not because I’m so proud that I think that I don’t need it (HA), it’s more like…I don’t want to show others that I am not naturally talented at everything. Silly yes, but when you’re at a school where everyone is more/just as intelligent as you, your ego acts strangely.
4. Our campus is beautiful. Ahhh, the fall leaves. I really need to start carrying my camera around with me.
Anyway, now it’s time for me to stop procrastinating on calculus….
Calm before the storm
Maybe I’m biased, but I think that it’s important to take life a moment at a time.
Yes, it’s true: I do have a calculus midterm tomorrow at 8:30 in the morning. I also have a paper to write before then.
But the stress that I am so tempted to succumb to didn’t stop me from enjoying this moment:
After my morning classes, I took a 25 minute nap. The cloudy morning light gently streamed through the windows, and when I finally decided to wake up, I turned on my iPod. The speakers started playing “Scarborough Fair”. I couldn’t help but smile as I watched the autumn leaves dancing before they mingled on the grass.
Ah, perfection.
Regarding Shakespeare and Donne
Shakespeare as portrayed in the Sonnets = pathetic, passive aggressive, obsessive, jealous, masochistic, judgmental and overly dependent.
In other words, he “needed to grow some balls”.
I admit that I haven’t read much of Donne yet, but so far my impression of him is far greater. (Maybe it’s because he is more ironic. And because he is so strange.) My budding fondness for him is evidenced in my revelation in class today:
“Woah. Donne’s ‘Paradoxes’ are 17th Century blog posts!”
‘Nuff said.
Random amusing moment of the day:
Setting: My dorm’s common room. Olivia and I sitting on the couch with our laptops. Anna sits on the floor rummaging through a box of stuff. No one is talking at the moment.
Olivia (dramatically, randomly. Still staring at her laptop.): The Pit and the Pendulum!
(beat)
Me (look up): By Edgar Allen Poe?
Olivia (looks up with a blank stare): Uhh…maybe.
(beat)
Olivia: But it’s also a 90210 episode.
Wow, that was fast!
Old habits die hard, dontcha know.
I’m already back to my procrastinating ways. I’ve already signed up for a CRAPTON of groups (although some of them have already been weeded out). But as of right now, I’m already the treasurer for my dorm, am going to learn how to belly dance, and am writing features for a literary mag. Tomorrow morning is my first Arabic quiz, and I’m already freaking out, but not studying (but I will! In a little bit…). I’m already making my plans for the weekend (SO MANY PLANS).
Anyway. In short, college is fun.
I feel like I should be blogging…
Tomorrow is my last day of work.
Next week is my last week before I drive out of Ventura.
The week after is the first time I will be living “on my own” (without my parents).
And the week after that is the first week of college classes.
Yes, it seems like this stage of our lives is full of ends and beginnings.
I’m not really sure what I wanted out of my last summer before college. And because of that, I’m not sure if I have achieved it. I’m extremely grateful that I had a job, even if it is the main reason why I didn’t hang out with people nearly as much as I had hoped to.
Everyone changes in college. But I’ve been having this feeling…that I’ve changed even in this summer. I’m not completely different, but there are little things. I don’t know, maybe my subconscious is playing tricks on me, and I’m unintentionally lying. I know for a fact that I have changed over the last year…and it leads to the question of who I will be in a year. Different, yet the same. The same picture, but in color instead of black and white. More contrast. A change in lighting.
This whole summer has been one of unrelenting anticipation and speculation. My future to me now is unreal, because I have yet to experience it. And to think that in a year some of my current future will be my past… aha, it’s ridiculous.
