I feel like I don’t talk about anything else.
This is what my blog has become: “blah blah blah WZLY blah radio mumble bumble web casting grahhhh MUSIC.”
Ah heh. On that note, I’m subbing for two people in this next week, so my radio schedule looks like this:
Thursday, 19th (MY BIRTHDAY):
DJ-ing from 6pm-8pm
11-midnight
Tuesday, 24th:
from 6-8pm
Y’all should listen (if possible). Clearly. Because I love you Ventura people!
Here’s the article that I wrote about WZLY back in September:
The Wellesley News now has a website! My article.
Woot!
Guys, girls, radio.
One of the things that I miss the most about males is their voice.
Part of the reason that I’ve been watching “Tales of Mere Existence” videos for the past hour, definitely.
Of course, that’s not the only thing.
I miss being able to tell dead baby jokes and not feel guilty.
I miss being able to hug the awkward ones.
I miss being “one of the guys” and chilling, playing rock band.
I still laugh loudly (the girls in my dorm LOVE it), but I’ve become more annoyed with how some girls laugh. Emma, my roommate, is one of the few people who I don’t judge on this. Her laughter is practically silent, but it’s ok, even adorable in it’s delicate nature. But some girls, OMG. Giggling politely is so annoying. There’s one girl in my math class in particular…I want to strangle her.
I’ve noticed that there are more “classical prep” girls around than I’ve known in the past. I don’t really mind them, in some ways I kind of admire having a professional attitude. And I haven’t seen any open hostility, which is nice. But I feel very separate from them…I’m the kind of girl who will wear a men’s large flannel shirt and worn down jeans. I wear leather jackets. I am practically unaffected by the violence in movies like Fight Club, and greatly prefer those movies to romantic comedies. I own a tutu. I love awkward conversations most of the time. I laugh like an explosion, I have no sense of tact, I’m legally still a child.
But, all these things that make me atypical…kind of make me a bad ass. Actually, I’m not sure about that one, but that’s what Anna said, so I’ll go with it.
Ok, the most important part of this blog:
RADIO SHOW ANNOUNCEMENT: My show is now officially Thursdays 11pm – midnight. One hour, yes, and I’m perfectly fine with it (I asked for it, actually). I think I’m starting this Thursday, so woot. West Coasters should tune in at 8pm at wzly.net.
Yep, still the same Esther.
Remember that girl who told her Spanish teacher to shut up?
The one who told the class clown to f- off while her Physics teacher was standing right next to her?
Yeah, yesterday she basically compared her calculus professor to Stalin. To his face. And then she stalked his family, much to the annoyance of his wife.
…
Ok, neither of these were on purpose. The Stalin comment….some of us were at his office hours and he said something along the lines of “Sometimes manual labor is actually extremely beneficial”. The strange way my mind works, I immediately connected this statement to communism, and realized that it was something that Stalin would say to the USSR: “By doing seemingly meaningless hard labor, you are greatly helping your people! Good job comrades!” So, of course, like a fool I said was I was thinking. The Dower-ites that I was with were rightfully amazed that I was so audacious. One of them, after laughing: “This is tact, according to Esther.” Aka, I have none. But at least he realized that I didn’t actually think he was a tyrant…
And then. So, bear in mind that this is the same day (aka, yesterday). We have to turn our homework in at 5pm. I ran out of my dorm at 5:10pm to the science center to turn it in. I’m almost there, and I pass my First Year Mentor (who is also my Supplemental Instructor for calculus). Since she is my Supplemental Instructor, she knows exactly why I am running to the science center, and she starts exasperatingly pointing to my left.
At this point, it’s important to realize the setting. The Science Center is directly in front of me. I am on a narrow, slightly hidden path surrounded by trees. To the left, past the trees, is a big open area with a few paths before College Rd. The path that I am on is on a slight hill, so when I look out to the open area, I can clearly see my calculus professor walking with his family out to College Rd. Even in that split second, I noticed the suitcase style bag that undoubtedly held the homework.
And so, in all my desperation, I unconsciously yell “FRICK!” and book it down a connecting path to reach him. I run for speed, not grace, so he hears me before I even reach them. At this point, I’ve been running for a while (from the dorm to the science center, from the path to his family), so I initially just hand him the homework without explanation. After some words of surprise, he actually takes it (which was awesome). Of course, while he is talking, I can’t help but focus on his beautiful children. His redheaded three year old looks up at me with a mixture of curiosity and hesitation.
This might seem strange, but I really miss kids. I used to help with the 1-2 year olds at my church, and so my child-loving self could not be contained as I stood awkwardly with his family. It was only a little bit awkward, simply because my math prof is kind of an awkward guy…but it definitely got more awkward once I noticed the unamused look on his wife’s face. And I want to give her some credit, since she has three children under the age of four, so she’s probably hella tired all the time. But still.
This whole event was kind of in a blur of motion and unimportant conversation, but even as I started to plan a way out, I realized that I was going to walk back to my dorm. This is significant because I was going to dinner with the other girls at a different dorm, one across from College Rd. But, I decided that I did not want to make this walk with my math teacher’s family, as it would be the very definition of awkward. So, I leave, and walk back to Dower. But, to get to Dower, I have to go back on that path where I’m parallel to College Rd, but hidden and slightly elevated. As I’m walking back, I realize that I can still see their family below me, and that they probably can’t see me. This is extremely uncomfortable for me, because now I feel like a major stalker.
So I run back to Dower and collapse on the couch. And I can’t help but laugh at the ridiculousness of the whole situation. Incidentally, Meredith saw the whole scene from a distance. She describes it thusly:
A cute, idealistic family of five is walking down a path. A redheaded toddler runs in front of her mother pushing a stroller. Then, a dark figure quickly descends upon them, her hair wildly flying behind her…
I still can’t get over the fact that I apparently have to consciously NOT stalk my math professor’s family. *facepalm*
Random bits.
1. I auditioned for a student run show today with one of the girls from my dorm. I don’t expect to get cast; I only auditioned for my friend Meredith, because she is producing the show, and she wanted more people to audition.
I think a part of me has always wanted to do formal drama, but it’s one of those things that’s hard to start doing (especially when there are people who have been doing it their whole life). I think that’s one of the problems with Wellesley…there are plenty of new things that I am trying, but some things are difficult because others have already mastered them. (i.e. music and drama). I’m not playing clarinet, because I’m not good enough to get free (for credit) lessons. Sometimes I walk past the windows where students are practicing… and I wish I could create. It’s made me realize that if I have a kid, I want them to learn an instrument at an early age. And no, I’m not going to be a super stressful parent…I just want them to be able to create an emotion (if they so choose). Whether it’s through music, art, drama, anything. (Calculus? Ehhhhh.)
2. I tried to get a helix ear piercing two weeks ago to no avail. But I’m going on my 18th birthday.
3. Please tell me that I’m not the only one who feels behind on their studies….I’m doing well in my Econ and English class, but Calculus and Arabic are brutal. I’m glad that I’m taking Calc pass/fail, but then there’s that little voice in the back of my mind that wonders if I will pass. I met with my Arabic TA today, and I think that I’m going to be doing that a lot more in the future.
I don’t know…there’s a lot of resources for students here, which is awesome. Up until now, I haven’t really wanted to use them….it’s really difficult for me to ask for help, especially here I think. It’s not because I’m so proud that I think that I don’t need it (HA), it’s more like…I don’t want to show others that I am not naturally talented at everything. Silly yes, but when you’re at a school where everyone is more/just as intelligent as you, your ego acts strangely.
4. Our campus is beautiful. Ahhh, the fall leaves. I really need to start carrying my camera around with me.
Anyway, now it’s time for me to stop procrastinating on calculus….
Success!
WZLY (Wellesley’s radio station) finally has a live stream over the interwebs!
Click “listen”, yo.
I’m still interning, so I don’t have a show yet. The schedule is also on that page, so make sure you’re streaming while someone is playing something. =P
Actually, I intern on the Saturday, 10am – noon slot. And, I think I’m doing my hour show this weekend…(it’s part of finishing up the interning process). But, you know, if you don’t want to wake up to listen to me at 8am (Pacific Coast Time) on a Saturday, that’s totally understandable. Also, I’m recording it, so maybe I’ll post a mp3 of it to this blog? We’ll see.
The blessing/curse of Wellesley
I love practically everyone here. 99% of the young women I’ve met are down to earth and extremely likable.
One of the stereotypes of Wellesley is that it is full of rich snobs. This is not true.
I am currently residing in Wellesley’s smallest dorm: Dower House. It’s called a house because it is. There are two stories, and forty people live here. Most of the residents here are first-years. In most of the “college insider books” the segment about Wellesley says that Dower is one of the worst dorms. This is also untrue.
I’ve heard that it really depends on the people: some years Dower is awesome, other years it’s absolutely terrible. This year is definitely in the awesome category. I became really close to the other first years in my dorm within the orientation week. It’s almost scary…we do practically everything together. Some girls in other dorms talk about how they really don’t know most of the people in their dorm…I can’t relate at all. Wellesley is big on their community, and alumnae often refer to the “sisters” that they had during college. This statement, although possibly cheesy, is actually pretty true.
The main problem with this is that most of the people here are East Coasters. Which means that they can go home if they so choose. This weekend is three days, and therefore most of the girls in my dorm are home.
I’ve been hesitant to call Dower “home”, even though some of the girls here openly do. But I realized that Dower really is like my “home away from home”, and it’s been that way for a while now. Admitting that I am already so closely connected to a place and the people in it is actually kind of frightening…because I have been able to quickly break down social barriers, I have also left myself vulnerable. What if “Dower” as an idea means more to me than to others? I know this is not true, but when more than half of the people are gone, it’s easy to question.
Anyway. Back to Arabic homework.
Yes, I’m a nerd.
Is it sad that my version of a good time on a Friday night is seeing a visiting London troupe perform King Lear? …Yes, I know it is, but part of me doesn’t really care. (Btw, it was really freaking good.)
Also, is it sad that I’ve been watching a lot of movies since I’ve gotten here? (Good moves at least: American Beauty, The Truman Show, Ghost World, American Splendor, Rent, 500 Days of Summer.) The more expected version of college fun is getting wasted, but…I guess at the heart of it, I’m not the kind of person to go searching for a place to do so. I’m not even morally against drinking a little, but. I’m not the kind of person to go out and do things just because I can now…perhaps I have too much common sense to get wasted, because I know that hangovers = anti-fun, and that I wouldn’t want to lose control of my good judgment. At this point I would feel safe drinking a little if some of the girls from my dorm were around, because I trust them and some of them have experience with this kind of thing. But it’s not something that I’m going to consciously seek.
Maybe I’m just the kind of person who doesn’t feel like she has a hole needing to be filled. In a similar vein, some of the girls here are rather boy-crazy and trying to find a male counterpart as soon as possible. I’m not going to pretend like I’m completely above that; I’m almost convinced that being in an all-female environment actually messes with our hormones. For instance, I’ve never been one to swoon over male celebrities, but I’ve definitely been noticing their appearances recently. In spite of this, I feel detached from the overall “must find a male” vibe. I realize that this is probably because I have a mate at home (actually, a lot of girls are in long distance relationships, which is pretty cool), but even if I didn’t, I don’t think I would be consciously searching. But, I guess this is in line with my past – I’ve always seemed to unconsciously fall into the relationships I’ve had. Which is probably the way to go anyway – more natural, if you will.
Anyway, one thing I am super stoked on: I started interning at WZLY (Wellesley’s very own radio station) on Saturday! The atmosphere of the radio station is super chill, and I can definitely see myself spending a lot of time there. There are so many CDs lining the walls of the lounge outside the studios…it’s literally an “Esther Heaven”. It brings a tear of happiness to my eye. …etc.
Also, as a final note, I am so sick of Shakespearean sonnets. I love the man’s plays…but his sonnets are so obsessively pathetic. Or…perhaps I mean pathetically obsessive. Yeah, that one. I’m so glad that my English class is moving on next week. But then we’re going to read John Donne, who I hear is pretty hefty as well. Oh well.
Wow, that was fast!
Old habits die hard, dontcha know.
I’m already back to my procrastinating ways. I’ve already signed up for a CRAPTON of groups (although some of them have already been weeded out). But as of right now, I’m already the treasurer for my dorm, am going to learn how to belly dance, and am writing features for a literary mag. Tomorrow morning is my first Arabic quiz, and I’m already freaking out, but not studying (but I will! In a little bit…). I’m already making my plans for the weekend (SO MANY PLANS).
Anyway. In short, college is fun.
I feel like I should be blogging…
Tomorrow is my last day of work.
Next week is my last week before I drive out of Ventura.
The week after is the first time I will be living “on my own” (without my parents).
And the week after that is the first week of college classes.
Yes, it seems like this stage of our lives is full of ends and beginnings.
I’m not really sure what I wanted out of my last summer before college. And because of that, I’m not sure if I have achieved it. I’m extremely grateful that I had a job, even if it is the main reason why I didn’t hang out with people nearly as much as I had hoped to.
Everyone changes in college. But I’ve been having this feeling…that I’ve changed even in this summer. I’m not completely different, but there are little things. I don’t know, maybe my subconscious is playing tricks on me, and I’m unintentionally lying. I know for a fact that I have changed over the last year…and it leads to the question of who I will be in a year. Different, yet the same. The same picture, but in color instead of black and white. More contrast. A change in lighting.
This whole summer has been one of unrelenting anticipation and speculation. My future to me now is unreal, because I have yet to experience it. And to think that in a year some of my current future will be my past… aha, it’s ridiculous.
