Restlessness is a four letter word.

In the end, it won’t matter if I pass or fail the four AP tests that are a stone’s throw away.

We are so blessed, we measure success by abstract concepts, like numbers. Numbers that supposedly symbolize our intelligence. Some might say, our worth. It’s silly. I am not less of a person if I get a 2 on my Calculus exam. 2, 4, 5, 1, 3. Numbers. Letters: A, B, C, D, F. Not important.

If I “fail” in this academic aspect, the worst possible thing that could happen to me as of this moment is: I won’t graduate high school. I can’t see this possibly happening, but let’s just through it out there. I stay back a year. A year of my life is redone. Even that, as much as it would suck (a lot), is not that terrible. If, for whatever reason, I fail out of college. If, for whatever reason, the whole of academia turns its back on me, no one would accept me, I can’t get a job.

Terrible right? No journalism for me, but. I’ll join a non-profit. People are what matter to me. My family, my friends, but beyond that. I have never really cared about monetary success. In the words of my father, “an education is to prepare you for a career”. I am intelligent. I know how to learn. And in no way am I giving up on college. (Wellesley, woo!) (And yes…sigh. I guess I’ll still study my ass off for our AP tests…) But at the end of the day, if worst comes to worst, I can live my life without college. Without monetary success. All I want in life, really, is to help others.

You would think that the monotone activities that we currently do for community service would have deterred this young, naive idealism. But I guess not.